Gratitude in Darkness, A Memoir by American Poet Dustin Pickering, Serialized in Himalaya Diary, Part 5
Gratitude in Darkness
A Memoir by Dustin Pickering
Part 5
“Indeed, Allah will admit those who believe and do righteous deeds to gardens beneath which rivers flow. They will be adorned therein with bracelets of gold and pearl, and their garments therein will be silk.” -Surat Al-Haj 22:23
“Rock hard! Ride free!” -Judas Priest
When my great grandparents were dying, my grandmother and her sister took care of them so they would not require a nursing home. They were housed with my grandmother’s sister. I became deeply ill during this period with schizophrenic symptoms. I believed I would become the next Johnny Rotten or Kurt Cobain, and saw signs in the outside world including a facial expression from our family pet Bonnie. She showed a Rottenesque scowl, and as she was a little dachshund it was amusing. While heavily immersed in punk rock music, I privately lamented that I was going to hell: I had my grandmother hide my Sex Pistols album, although somehow I knew where she hid it. In the cat’s litter pan! Instinct told me, I guess. Bonnie later died of heart congestion. The day before, I saw worry in her face—my grandmother told me she was “sick.”
My grandmother later related that as she was returning by bus from Mississippi during those tribulations she met a person she called an “angel.” A black woman who spoke frankly, she knew everything happening during that time. She discussed my illness, my great grandparents’ last days, and other important events. She comforted my grandmother, and instructed her not to worry. Then, she walked around the corner and disappeared before my grandmother could thank her.
My grandmother also said she had been sleep deprived while waiting for the bus. However, once I was approached in a similar fashion by a male. He tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I don’t know what your problem is, but Jesus loves you.” Then he disappeared from sight.
My great grandmother and grandfather passed away, leaving their house with everything in it to their children. However, the two sisters who most cared for them as they declined did not collect anything from the house. My grandmother wanted their wedding rings, but another sister inherited them instead. My grandmother was grieved.
A few months before her death, I held my great grandmother’s hand while she relaxed in bed. My grandmother told me she was experiencing some fear and anger, so I visited to offer comfort. My grandmother told me her mother believed I was dangerous because of my illness. Meanwhile, I folded laundry to calm my anxieties.
These harrowing times are not forgotten but stay entrenched.
Bio of the Writer:
Dustin Pickering is founder of Transcendent Zero Press. He has contributed writing to Huffington Post, Café Dissensus Everyday, The Statesman (India), Journal of Liberty and International Affairs, The Colorado Review, World Literature Today, Asymptote Journal, and several other publications. He was given the honor Knight of World Peace by the World Institute for Peace in 2022. He hosts the popular interview series World Inkers Network on YouTube. He is author of the poetry collections Salt and Sorrow, Knows No End, The Alderman, Only and Again, The Nothing Epistle, The Stone and the Square, and several others, as well as the novella Be Not Afraid of What You May Find. His most recent poetry collection Crime of the Extraordinary resonates with themes of guilt culled from Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment.
Himalaya Diary urges the readers to check out the new book of poems titled “CRIME OF THE EXTRA-ORDINARY” by Dustin Pickering. Here is the amazon India link: amazon.in/dp/8119858956
